Merry Christmas!!!

I'm loving celebrating Christmas here.  It's so fun.  Singing carols, house decorating contest, Christmas Tata (Santa Claus) visiting.  On Christmas Eve (tomorrow) we're having a big party at the home, then Christmas morning some of us Americans are getting together for our own little celebration, complete with cinnamon rolls and worship. 

So, I'm down to a week and a half here, and I am so ready to be back in Georgia!   My heart is full.  This season has been one of finding my identity and getting a solid foundation.  I can tell you that I am nothing without the grace of God.  I know nothing.  I can do nothing.  BUT I can also tell you that I am treasured, loved, and seen as beautiful in the eyes of my Father.  I plan to write up a nice, long post detailing what I've learned from this trip when I get home, but I wanted to share a verse the Lord has been speaking to me through lately.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me." 1 Corinthians 15:10

I'm ready, let's start asking

    “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."
(John 14:12-14 ESV)

I have only a small amount of faith, but Jesus said that faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain.  So, I say we start asking, asking for crazy things, asking for the impossible, asking to do the works that Christ did and even greater works.  I'm ready to leave behind powerlessness and take hold of the promises of Christ.  Are you with me?

Good verses and a few prayer requests

For the past few days I've been enjoying these verses from Isaiah 30:

"...In repentence and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength..." v. 15

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him." v. 18

"...He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold you Teacher.  Your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it,' whenever you turn to the right or the left." v. 20-21

I don't really have anything to say about them, except may our strength be in quietness and trust and may we hear our Teacher when He says "this is the way, walk in it." Okay, maybe I have a little more to say about it.  I was thinking about David when he fought Goliath.  His strength was in quietness and in trusting the Lord.  He wasn't showy or strong or awesome.  But the Lord used him and called him to step out in faith in a radical way.  So, quietness may not mean what we think (or what I tend to want to think).

Please pray for me, brothers and sisters.  The Lord has been working, but I'm getting impatient to see real, tangible fruit of freedom in my life.  I am still so timid, and I'm so tired of it.  Pray that I would wait on Him, trusting that His timing is perfect.  Pray that the Lord would increase my faith, and that I would step out in faith and get out of my comfort zone.  Pray that the Lord would continue to speak into His calling in my life and what that is to look like in the next season of my life.  Thank you so much for covering me in prayer.  It has been such a blessing. 

Jesus Calling

Here's part of a page from Jesus Calling, the devotional book I'm reading that is written from Jesus' perspective, from last week.  It touched me and I thought I'd share:

"Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions that they fail to see choices they need to make today.  Without any conscious awareness, they make their habitual responses.  People who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives.  They sleepwalk through their days, following well-worn paths of routine.

I, the Creator of the universe, am the most creative Being imaginable.  I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths.  Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you things you did not know.  Stay in communication with Me.  Follow My guiding Presence."

Fixing our Eyes on Jesus

The kids had another week off of school this week, and we were asked to do three hours of studies a day with our tuitions groups.  Have you ever tried to get three 8-year-olds to do three solid hours of work?  It's not an easy task.  Monday and Tuesday I felt like I was going to die, and I knew something had to change.  So, I went to a shop in the village near our home and got four poster boards, and I set about making games and posters and I was determined to get those kids under control.  Wednesday was so much better, and I was pretty darn proud of myself.  But Wednesday night as I was going to bed I was convicted that I had been so focused on my projects for tuitions that I had let my focus stray from the Lord.

The next morning I asked the Lord what I should read in the Bible, and Hebrews 12 popped into my head so I flipped to it and didn't get past the first two verses.  "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."


This just totally fit with what was going on.  I'm called to run the race set before me, and I'm called to do it well.  But most importantly, I'm called to run with my eyes fixed on Jesus Christ.  I still so need to learn how to do all things as if unto the Lord, not to please others, not to make myself feel better about myself, not to make myself look good to others.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that little story of how the Lord corrected me in such a little, practical thing.  Overall, I'm doing really well. My homesickness has pretty much gone away, and I attribute it to all of you who are praying for me.  So, thank you so much!

Thoughts on the Father's love and heart

Parents always talk about how they understand God's love so much more when they have kids.  I am amazed by how much the Lord has taught me in spending just three months with these children.  My love for two children in particular has taught me so much about God's boundless love.

One child is seven-years-old, and I just love her to death.  She is super sweet.  She has a beautiful smile.  She is spunky and fun.  But she is a terrible reader.  She is in second grade, and she can hardly sound out three letter words.  Needless to say, as a second-grader she is given a lot of tasks she simply cannot complete because she can't read.  I have her in my tuitions group, so I work with her every day.  When I try to work with her on reading, she shuts down.  She doesn't think she can do it, so she won't even try.  She sees the whole book.  I want her to take one word at a time.  I want her to let me help her.  I want her to be willing.  Do I expect her to sit down and read a book to me?  Of course not.  I am so happy when she simply sits down and sounds out the words.  I feel like God feels this way about me.  I get overwhelmed and filled with fear when I think about doing something like speaking a prophetic word over someone, but He just wants me to be willing.  He wants to help me. 

The second child is five-years-old, and he is a trouble-maker.  He hits other kids.  He gets in trouble at school.  He takes things.  He breaks things.  When I tell him good morning, he ignores me then says no when I tell him to say good morning to me.  But I love him anyway, and I want him to know it.  There's no thought in my mind of "yeah, I love him, but I'll wait to let him know I love him until he shapes up, until he apologizes, until he is sweet to the other kids."  I picked him up and gave him a hug the other day, and he kicked and said, "I don't want to hug you. Put me down."  It amazes me how I can love this little trouble-maker after just three months.  It amazes me even more how much more Someone who created me and adopted me as His daughter must love me even though I'm a trouble-maker.  I wonder how many times my Father has taken me into His embrace and I kicked and screamed to be put down because I didn't feel loveable, so I couldn't believe or accept the love offered. 

October so far

October so far has passed in a flurry of activity.  It started with the Parents' Day program to honor all the houseparents and the other Indian staff members.  It went smoothly and was a lot of fun.  The kids had a lot of holidays the first few weeks of October, and the family time was taken advantage of.  There was a kickball tournament, a Star Wars marathon, family games, a trip to a beautiful botanical gardens, and lots more.  This week things have settled down with all the kids back in school.  But I'm not expecting things to stay settled for long.  We're going to a program the little kids' school is putting on for Annual Day tomorrow, then starting Friday they have more holidays.

As the halfway point in my trip has come, I'm getting a little homesick, missing my family and friends a lot.  I'm continuing to learn how to turn to Jesus as my closest friend and fellowship.  The Lord is doing a work of healing and freedom in my life, and I know it, but lately it's been kind of hard to see.  I know I'm being called to persevere and that the fruit will come in time.  I guess I'm learning patience at the same time :).

The Great Love with which He Loved Us

I've been asking the Lord over the last few weeks to reveal His heart toward me, to show me what He thinks of me.  To a young woman who has struggled with low self-esteem from a young age, it's kind of crazy to realize that God is for me, He cheers me on, He delights in me, He loves it when I think of Him, He has chosen me, He sees me as beautiful.  I still have my doubts, but the Lord is putting these things into my heart.  He wants me to know how He feels about me because He knows it will in turn ignite in me a passionate love for Him.

I've been reading the book Passion for Jesus by Mike Bickle, and I highly recommend it.  Here's a few quotes from it:

"[There is a] powerful connection between knowing the truth about who God is as the way of experiencing passion for Him.  It is the revelation of God's passionate affection for us that awakens our ever-deepening feelings of love and passion for Him."

"Love is a much better motivator than duty."

Just... Life

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I haven't really known what to say. I'm settling into life here. Honestly, I've been starting to see in the last few weeks that there's nothing particularly special or even that different about being here. I'm just seeking the Lord in a different context. It's just life in a different place. I guess the “mission trip” feel has worn off after being here for almost two months.

Last week all the kids had two days off of school.  The kids drew pictures to be sent with thank you notes to donors.  We played follow the leader, duck duck goose, and a personal favorite of many of the little kids: Melinda Akka runs around and catches all the children.  The second day Erin, Taylor, Harrison, and I went with a group of older kids to a home for people who have no where else to go.  It was sad to see the condition of the women we visited, but it was neat to see how we could bless them just by smiling at them and combing their hair or rubbing lotion on their arms.  

Then this week the elementary schoolers had Monday off.  The whole staff went out for lunch so Erin and I watched the 15 youngest from 9:30 until about 2:30 (going anywhere around here takes a while).  It was a bit chaotic, but it was fun.  I played on the playground with some of the youngest kids while Erin played football (soccer) with the rest of the kids.  Then we watched Veggie Tales, had lunch, and made the kids in 4th grade and above study for the afternoon while the 5 youngest napped and the rest colored.

This week we started dance practice for parents' day which will be at the beginning of October.  Parents' day is a program meant to bless all the staff that have given their lives to parents these 48 kids.  I am working three days a week with the 5 youngest boys, ages 5 to 11, to make up a dance for them to perform.  Actually I'm doing a lot more supervising and organizing than dancing, but the 11-year-old is awesome.  He is coming up with the steps and teaching them to the younger ones.  This is definitely going to be an adventure, though, especially reigning in the wild 5-year-old and the constantly distracted 6-year-old.

I've come to love chai tea since coming here.  It is served at the home every afternoon around 3:30.  The ladies here make it very sweet and milky, and it is delicious.  Also, I've built up what is referred to as a "rice tolerance."  Praise the Lord!  The first day I was here I gagged trying to finish both lunch and dinner (it is considered very very rude to throw food away in this culture).  But after a few weeks I got used to the food and now there are meals I actually look forward to.  Also, we've started branching out and trying more Indian restaurants on our days off, and I LOVE the food. 

No Place I'd Rather Be

So, I started writing this post Tuesday and I wrote something to the effect of “I like the children's home, but I don't really like the country that much.” Wednesday night we had “community group,” a group of believers in the area, most of whom are Americans. During this time I felt very admonished. It was shared that it's impossible to love the people and not the country. Then during worship we sang the song that says “There's no place I'd rather be than here in Your love.” I realized that no matter how many reasons I have to not like the culture or the country, I have one reason to love it that outweighs them all. Without a shadow of a doubt I know the Lord has me here, and there's no place I'd rather be.

I know I gave an idea of our schedule in an earlier post, but here's a more detailed rundown of what life looks like here, now that I've been here almost a month.

In the morning, Erin and I get to greet all the children before they go off to school. We serve them lunch which they take to school, and we “sell” them school supplies (they have “bank accounts” kept in a notebook in which they can earn money by doing extra chores and to teach them responsibility they have to pay for their own school supplies). When they leave for school, Erin and I use my french press (a very well-used birthday present, thanks Mom and Dad!) to make coffee. Our mornings are very chill. We can make scrambled eggs or toast for breakfast and we usually have some fruit we bought from the market. I really enjoy our free time while the kids are at school. I have gotten a lot of time to spend with the Lord, and the prayer garden has become my favorite place at the home.

Two afternoons a week I go and spend a couple of hours sitting in the house of a family who works with the home while their two little boys nap. Then around four all the kids are back from school and done with the little chores they do when they get home. I usually watch the kids play on the playground from four to five. This is such a fun time to just run around and be silly with the little kids.

From five to seven is tuitions time. During this time I have three second-graders, and I work with them, reviewing and reteaching the things they learn at school as well as working on basic math and reading skills. I have to brag on them for a second. I took over tuitions 3 weeks ago, and they were doing five minute 100- problem addition drill sheets in more than 15 minutes. On July 26 one got 23 minutes and another got 16 minutes. Now all three can do it in 7 or 8 minutes and one of them is down to 5 minutes . I am so proud of those girls. We have been doing addition flashcards every single day, and it is paying off. These three girls are so sweet, and I really enjoy spending two hours with them every day.

On Monday nights I lead a devotion/ prayer time with 7^th through 9^th grade girls, and on Thursday nights I lead a devotion time with the elementary school kids. I could really use prayer for this area. This is the one duty I am least comfortable with, which means the Lord can use it to grow me the most. So far I haven't picked a book or a theme to study, I've just been asking the Lord each week what He wants me to say to the kids, and it's going okay. I have felt led to admonish the 7^th through 9^th grade girls in how they treat one another. We talked this week about when Jesus said that others would know we are His disciples by the love we have for one another. We talked about what love is and about laying down our lives for one another. I feel so inadequate to speak on these things, but all I can do is ask the Lord to use my words to convict them and change them. Please pray that the Lord would increase my boldness to speak what He puts on my heart to speak to these kids. Pray that the Lord would give me direction in what to speak on. And pray that He would work in these kids and give them new and further revelations of Jesus Christ.

After devotion I have dinner in one of the girls' houses, and I hang out with them until 8:30ish. Then I'm usually exhausted and in bed by 9:30.

As I try to emphasize doing all things for Jesus with my tuitions girls, the Lord is teaching me to practice what I preach. It makes me smile when I hear an eight-year-old say, “You know how I did that math sheet in seven minutes? I prayed before and God helped me.” Though I have a lot of free time to be alone with the Lord, I have duties I'm expected to do, and I don't want to have a “secular vs. sacred” divide. I want to be a woman who does all things for God's glory, whether it's how I use my free time, playing on the playground, leading a devotion, or helping 5-year-olds on the computers.

Weekends are busier because the kids are home from school, and I try to be around all day to watch them and hang out with them. Besides my times alone with the Lord, my favorite times are campfire worship nights (most Saturday nights) and fasting prayer nights (most Sunday nights). These are times of such close communion with the Lord, and I am blessed just to be a part of them. This past Sunday we had a time of fasting, worship, and the kids shared testimonies of what the Lord has done in their lives this month. So awesome! How cool to hear teenagers being real about how the Lord is real to them.

Thank you to all of you who are praying. I know that the Lord is answering your prayers. He is beginning many things in me. He is becoming my closest friend. He is teaching me to do all things to His glory. He is promising to make me a woman of boldness and to remove fear and timidity from me. He has sheltered me from the sickness that was going around last week. He has been my comfort when I get homesick. So, thank you all!

What I've been learning

"In Him was life and the life was the Light of men." - John 1:4

"Come house of Jacob, and let us walk the light of the Lord." -Isaiah 2:5

"If you will not believe, surely you shall not last." -Isaiah 7:9

Throughout the first several days I was here, these verses were verses were standing out to me, but I couldn't see how they were connected or what the Lord was trying to tell me through them.  During this same time, I was feeling kind of blah, and I was continually asking the Lord what was wrong.

Finally, one day I said to the Lord, "I don't understand why I don't feel more fulfilled and joyful.  You have me here, so I'm doing Your work so why am I not filled with Your joy?"

He immediately brought this verse to mind, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent" (John 6:29).

So, I'm starting to see more clearly that my responsibility (even here when I have duties and expectations) is to believe in and fully trust Jesus.  I am to walk in the Light of the Lord. And what is the Light of men?  The life of Christ.  So, I am to walk in the life of Christ.

"The people who walk in darkness will see a great light; whose who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them.  You shall multiply the nation, You shall increase their gladness; they will be glad in Your presence... For You shall break the yoke of their burden and the staff of their shoulders." - Isaiah 9:2-4

When I read these verses, it was so beautiful.  I knew without a doubt that it was for me.  It is a promise that the Lord will free me from needing to live up to the expectations of others, that the Light of Christ will shine in my life, and that He will fill me with gladness in His presence.

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation,devoted to prayer." - Romans 12:10-12

Then, as another beautiful gift, God gave me Romans 12:10-12 as a guideline when I asked what it looks like for me to live out the life of Christ here.  Instead of trying to make sure I'm living up to the expectations of others, I just have to be truly devoted to these brothers and sisters in love.  I am to prefer them, putting their wants above my own.  I am to be diligent in my service with a fervent spirit, viewing all I do as serving the Lord.  And I am to be devoted to prayer, prayer for the home, the kids, the staff, and my friends and family back in the States.

Family and friends, brothers and sisters in the Lord, I love you all.  Thank you so much for your prayers.  Continue to pray that I would be open to whatever the Lord has for me here. 

Update on my weekend

On Friday, two really fun American girls staying at the home took Erin, Taylor, Harrison, and a girl we met here named Kate out to see the city.  We went to a mall and went shopping at a big department store called Lifestyles.  I got two tunic-style tops there.  We had some really good Indian food for lunch at a restaurant called Empire Hotel.  We got to see the big streets for shopping.  We got coffee drinks at a nice coffee shop called Mateo.  Our last stop was a hilarious little Indian hippie shop with brightly colored leather bags, feather earrings, and tie-dyed India clothes.  Friday night Erin and I watched a movie with the older girls called On Night with the Kind (about the story of Esther).  It was pretty good, and it was fun to hang out with the girls.

Saturday night was my first campfire worship night, and it was such a cool time.  We started out with s'mores and hanging out, then the little kids went to watch a movie and we moved into a time of worship.  The kids (middle school and high school age) were encouraged to ask the Lord for a word of encouragement for someone, and with it being out first week they were highly encouraged to ask for a word for Erin, Taylor, Harrison, and I.  It was so great.  They were told not to just come up with something, but to legitimately ask the Lord and expect Him to answer and to step out in faith.  Four teenage girls came to me as we worshiped and told me what God had spoken to them regarding me.  Every bit of what these lovely girls shared with me resonated in my spirit.  I don't think it could have been more fitting or encouraging.

I'm really enjoying my time here. I'm getting to know the little kids a lot better, and I'm really enjoying them. The Lord is teaching me more about just trusting Him and believing Him and not worrying about what others are thinking.  As I process that more, I hope to write a post detailing more of what the Lord is teaching me.  

I'm Here!!!

Hey, friends and family!  I just wanted to write a quick update to let you all know that I have arrived safely.  This first week has been kind of just getting oriented to the home and starting to get to know the kids and feel out what my duties are, which will officially start next week.  In the mornings I'll serve the kids' lunch which they take with them to school.  Then twice a week I'll help with a ministry that helps women in the community learn to sew and then sells the products in the US.  Then when the kids get home each day I'll hang out with them from 4-5, watching them play on the playground or whatever.  From 5-7 I'll have the three second graders for "tuitions" which is homework time and I'll give them additional work to improve their weak areas and I'll help them study for quizzes and tests.  Twice a week I'll lead a short devotion time with a group of the kids.  Then I'll have dinner and hang out with the kids until 8:30 or 9.

I am enjoying getting to know the kids this week.  They call me Melinda Akka (akka means older sister), and I just love that.  

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing well, enjoying getting to know lots and lots of kids.  There has been a lot of down time yesterday and today, and I'm really enjoying just being here and spending time with the Lord.  Thank you for your prayers and please continue praying for me, that I would trust the Lord with the new adjustments and that He would reveal His unique purpose in having me here.

Psalm 18

So, the countdown continues.  In a couple of weeks, I'll be posting from India!



This year (I still think in school years, so what I mean is since last August) I've been really enjoying Psalm 18. It was read in one of our first Wesley staff meetings back in August, and the Lord has drawn me back to it time and again since then.



http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2018&version=NASB



I'm somewhat hesitant to write about this Psalm because it is so personal to me now.  It's like a story of my past year, one that only my few closest friends even knew was happening.  But I've learned this year that sharing what the Lord is doing in our lives encourages our brothers and sisters, and there is a great benefit to sharing testimonies of the Lord's power manifested in our lives. So, here we go.



Here's a general plot line of this Psalm which was written by David:  I was surrounded by enemies, and I would have died, but I called upon the Lord and He saved me.  He fought for me.  Then He taught me to fight.



There were a lot of times this year when I was so distressed.  I looked around and all I could see was my flesh. Instead of seeing evidence of Jesus Christ living in me, I saw jealousy and comparison and anger.  In these times I related to verse 4, "The cords of death encompassed me, and the torrents of ungodliness terrified me."  My own flesh was my enemy, and the torrents of ungodliness living within me terrified me.  And the product of the flesh, death, encompassed me.  I felt like there was no hope.  I knew in my head that I was a new creation and Christ lives in me and gives me new life, but all I could see in my life was sin and nastiness.



"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears" (verse 6).  It's like I don't even have to say anything.  This speaks exactly what happened.  So many times I cried out to the Lord and "He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters" (verse 16). 



"He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.  They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my stay.  He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me" (verses 17-19).  The Lord was bringing about healing and change in my life, and the enemy did not like that. I found myself confronted by an enemy that was too mighty for me.  The enemy's biggest tactic in my life is isolation. I look back at this year with a certain sense of sadness because I missed out on a lot of fellowship because the enemy was able to keep me isolated much of the time. He used jealousy and feelings of being inferior to my dearest sisters to keep me from loving or accepting love from them. But the Lord was my stay.  He rescued me.  I was having to continually surrender, continually choose to call out to the Lord, and He had to pick me up out of my mess and bring me forth to a broad place. 

Amidst the mess of struggling with jealousy, comparison, and isolation, there were some shining moments of victory, moments where I can say nothing except that the Lord picked me up and placed me on solid ground.  I can think of two moments in particular in which the Lord had victory and was able to raise up a testimony of His power through me.  One was in November, and one was in March. In November the Lord put it on my heart to speak at Wesley about fear, so I asked if I could speak one Tuesday night at Wesley.  If you know me at all, you know I'm not the public speaking type.  If someone asks me to speak at something, I usually say yes because I know better than to let fear control me in such an obvious way, but for me to be the one to bring it up is pretty much a miracle. The Lord put it on my heart to speak, and I stepped out in faith and was obedient.  In March, a similar thing happened.  Wesley was hosting a dinner for the students' parents.  The invitation was open for us interns to speak if we had something on our hearts to say.  I wrote it off.  I knew I could come up with something to say, but I didn't really want to.  Then, the morning of the dinner, I was reading in the Psalms and I felt like the Lord was telling me to speak, to praise Him for the things He had been doing in my life this year.  Both of these times were amazing.  I was so at peace.  Because I stepped out in faith, the Lord gave the words to speak, and I was not nervous at all.  Oh, what a joy to be an obedient servant!



"For who is God, but the Lord?  And who is a rock, except our God, the God who girds me with strength and makes my way blameless?  He makes my feet like hinds' feet, and sets me upon my high places.  He trains my hands for battle, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze" (verses 31-34).  Just a few weeks ago I felt like I had had a new victory. Instead of just calling on the name of the Lord and Him coming and rescuing me, He is teaching me to fight and girding me with the strength to fight. It is, and absolutely must be, by His strength. Instead of picking me up and placing me on a broad place, He makes my feet like hinds' feet (in NIV, it says the feet of a deer), sets me on high places, and I am able to stand in these places because He has enabled me to. Imagine bending a bow of bronze. I don't think bronze is all that bendable, but I could be wrong, I've never attempted to bend an actual bow made out of bronze. But I have been learning to fight by the Lord's strength, fights that without the Lord's strength I would have lost hands down. I am learning to take individual thoughts into captivity and reject the lies. The Lord is enabling me to believe truth that allows me to reject jealousy, comparison, and isolation, but it is still a fight, a battle I must choose to engage in. I've come to see that much of this year I tried to ignore lies, pushing them to the side. I am learning to engage them, and actively choose not to believe them.



I've found that recently when I've gone back and read Psalm 18, I can say, with King David, even more wholeheartedly, “I love You, O Lord, my strength” (verse 1). I praise Him for the work He has done and is doing in my life.

The Surpassing Value of Knowing Christ Jesus my Lord

Two nights ago I was sitting with some fellow believers, and I don't know what prompted it at all, but I thought of myself just getting to heaven and seeing Jesus for the first time and feeling like I barely know Him. It was a really terrible feeling. I thought about it a little bit yesterday, but I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know if it was my flesh just feeling like I haven't done enough or put forth enough effort to know Christ or if it was from the Lord.

I started praying into it this morning, asking for insight on it. I began to ask Jesus to allow me to know Him more. I was led to start reading in Matthew from where I had left off a few days ago, and I read Matthew 16:15-19:

“He said to them, 'But who do you say that I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.' And Jesus said to him, 'Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it, I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.'”

At this point I began to cry out to the Father for a revelation of Jesus Christ. I knew that I had already received some level of revelation, but it seemed so incomplete. As I asked to know Christ more, a scripture popped into my head and I turned to Philippians 3:7-11:

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss, for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

And instantly I knew why I felt like I didn't know Jesus as I wanted to. Have I ever in my life counted all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus? No. There have been times when, by the grace of God, I have let go of my plans and what is expected of me to follow Christ. But have I desired to know Christ above all else? Above my reputation, my comfort, my free time? I am ashamed to confess that I have not.

As in the experience recounted in my last post, I was driven to my knees. How unworthy I am, putting petty things before knowing Jesus Christ, my Savior, the One who sacrificed His life for me. But my ever-faithful, always forgiving Father said, “I forgive you, daughter, now, come, let me tell you about your Brother.” I was reminded of Matthew 12:50:

“For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.”

I could hardly accept it. I am so unworthy. And yet the Father has chosen me, and I am a sister of Christ. So, I come before my Father humbly, as a child who knows nothing, ready for Him to give me revelations of Jesus Christ. And I am excited about this journey of getting to know Jesus and learning what it means to count all things loss compared to the value of knowing Christ.

The Throne of Grace

I just had a cool little experience I thought I'd recount.

I haven't really been doing that well this week, mostly giving way to irrational anxiety. And, I don't know about you, but when I am giving in to anxiety, I end up distancing myself from God. Sort of a combination of these two scriptures from Hebrews popped into my head this morning:

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need.” - Hebrews 4:16

“Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” -Hebrews 10:19-22

I was writing out my prayer in my journal, something along the lines of, “Okay, God, I'm coming to your throne boldly, not on the basis of anything I've done, but on the basis of the blood of Your Son. I am asking for mercy for the way I've been acting this week and grace to walk through these next three weeks.”

I felt pulled down to my knees, and when I closed my eyes, though I was physically still in the living room in Ms. Mary's basement, I was in front of God's throne. I was on my knees, with my face on the floor.  I said, “I know I'm supposed to be drawing near with confidence, but I am so unworthy.” Then, in a moment reminiscent of the father welcoming his prodigal son home, the Father said, “Arise, my daughter.” He welcomed me, called me daughter. If I sat down with a Bible for a few minutes I could probably find fifteen or twenty scriptures confirming that, if we are born again, we are sons and daughters of God, but in that moment, to hear God call me daughter... it was pretty great.

So, I'm trusting in God's grace to get me through these next few weeks.  I keep thinking I'll feel better once I'm on the plane and I know everything is in order.  But I choose to act in faith, and know now that all is in order.  My place is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and He will make all the last minute stuff fall into place.

What's going through my head today

I just wanted to check in and let y'all know I'm still alive. Seven weeks from today, I'll be getting on a plane! Crazy!!! I got my visa in the mail yesterday. Everything is falling into place. Everyone who has asked me over the past few months will be glad to know that I'm starting to get excited now. This is really happening!

I've used this in the past as a place to share what the Lord's been teaching me, but I don't even know if I can put into words all the Lord's been teaching me this week. My heart is full of joy. There have been battles, but God is teaching me to fight by His strength. And the victory is sweet. Oh, and the joy of living out His will, even when it doesn't seem fun (even seeing that, at times, helping in the yard can be better than sitting in the house praying because it's where the Lord wants me) . There have been boring moments, but overall this has been one of those really good weeks. :) Praise the Lord!

Rachel, my roommate of 5 years, and I just got back from a sister in the Lord's house. What a blessing to just spend time with her and her three kids. It was three and a half wonderful hours of hanging laundry up to dry, gardening, jumping on a trampoline, pushing swings, eating lunch, chatting, and just having a good time together. More and more lately I am loving seeing fellow believers as family. And I am loving spending time with my brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Also, if you're looking for a good sermon to listen to (or happen to have an hour to kill), here's a link to one by David Platt. It's the first in a series on Acts, but you don't have to listen to the rest.  This one stands alone pretty well.

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/acts/a348

Sine cere

Yesterday, the pastor at a church I've been going to was talking about the word sincere. He said it came from the two Latin words “sine,” meaning without, and “cere,” meaning wax. Apparently, when pots got cracked they would sometimes fill the cracks in with wax and paint over them so you couldn't tell. You can imagine the trouble this would cause when you begin to cook with these pots. Melted wax... ruined food... you know, pretty unfortunate. So, craftsmen started advertising their pots to be “sine cere,” without wax.

Paul prays that the Philippians' “love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that [they] may approve the things that are excellent in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ”(Philippians 1:9-10). Not only are we to love, approve of the things that are excellent, and be blameless, we are to be sincere. The word sincere means 1)free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; 2)genuine or real; and 3)pure, unmixed, unadulterated. I think 1 and 3 are pretty well covered in being blameless and approving of what is excellent. It is number 2 that really stands out to me. In that we are to be sincere, we are to be genuine and real.

This is where those pots come in. We all have cracks. We have areas of struggle. We have sin. We have a choice. We can fill up those cracks with wax and paint over them so no one can tell. I think we've all done this. We put on a happy face. We say we're fine even when we feel like our world is crashing in around us. Or we can choose to be genuine and real, to be sincere, without wax. We can let our cracks show to the Lord and to our brothers and sisters in Christ. When we are real about our struggles, our Potter fills them in, not with the quick fix of wax which melts away, but with the blood of His Son. We are also to be real with our brothers and sisters in whom Christ dwells (an accurate description I find helpful in being vulnerable with other believers). We are called to bear one another's burdens. How can we do this if we all cover up our burdens with a happy face?

Even as I write this, I am convicted by my lack of sincerity. The Lord is teaching me to go to Him when I'm not doing well. He is also teaching me to be open with the body of Christ. Let us go to our Potter and let Him dig the wax out of the cracks we've filled up.

Walk by the Spirit

As Christians we know that we are saved by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:8). We can do nothing to earn salvation. Without Christ, we are hopelessly wicked and dead in our sins. When we believe in Christ, a transfer is made. Our faith is no longer in ourselves, it is in the Lord. This must be the case not only in trusting Him for salvation, but in trusting Him for sanctification. It doesn't work if we simply trust that the Lord will save us from eternal condemnation and expect to be able to do the rest ourselves. And yet this is so often what we try to do. When we struggle with a certain sin, we wake up in the morning and determine we are going to beat it today. Say the sin is acting out in anger. You say, “Okay, today I'm just not going to get angry.” Then you go to the kitchen to have breakfast and find your sister ate the last of your favorite cereal and you yell at her. Then you feel bad and you wonder why you can't just make yourself stop being angry. You've probably even prayed and asked the Lord to help you beat this sin. But it seems futile.

“For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.” Romans 7:18

It seems that Paul understands our dilemma. We want to do what is good but we cannot figure out how to do it. In this place, we truly recognize that nothing good dwells in our flesh. Once we recognize this, we can see that we don't have to figure out how to stop sinning. Here lies the answer to our dilemma:

Galatians 2:20- “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Did you just hear that? If you are born again, if you believe, then CHRIST LIVES IN YOU! We still have a choice to walk by the flesh or to walk by the Spirit, but if we make the choice to surrender to the Spirit of Christ that lives in us, we will not sin. It is not a matter of trying hard enough or doing the right things to please God. It is a matter of surrender. It is a matter of me choosing to make it a reality that “I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”

Ephesians 4:22-24- “that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”

Galatians 5:16- “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”

So, again, we have a choice. We are called to lay aside our flesh, our old self, and to put on the new self, the life of Christ in us. Walk by the Spirit, and you will not have to try really hard not to sin, you simply will not carry out the desire of the flesh, which is sin.

A New Adventure

In July, I will be leaving for India. I will be an intern for six months at a Christian children's home in Bangalore, India. This children's home houses 46 kids. In addition to simply loving these kids, I will basically be helping with whatever needs to be done: substitute house parenting, helping the kids with homework, leading devotions with the kids, etc. I feel like the Lord is leading me to spend this time in India to pray for the home, the staff, and the children, to pour into these kids, and to grow closer to Him.

I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer. Pray that the Lord would prepare me for what He has in store. Pray that He would teach me and grow me in this time. And please pray that I would be a loving servant, willing to be poured out (and able to be poured out because I am filled with His Spirit). Also, I would like to ask you to prayerfully consider supporting me financially. Give only as you feel led by the Holy Spirit. My address in 620 Fred Ash Rd. Dahlonega, GA 30533.

How will I be remembered?

I read yesterday in 2 Chronicles 25:2, “[King Amaziah] did right in the sight of the Lord, yet not with a whole heart.” I'm going to be honest. This kind of scares me. What a sad way to be remembered for eternity.  I don't want to come before the Lord and have the Him say, “Well, you did the right things, but your whole heart wasn't in it.”  I want to be remembered as a woman after God's own heart, a woman who loved the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

How do you want to be remembered? Are you okay with being half-hearted? I say no.  Let us ask the Lord to search us and know us. Let us ask Him to change the parts of our hearts that are not fully seeking Him.

Bondservant

“Paul, a bondservant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated to the gospel of God.” -Romans 1:1

“Simon Peter, a bondservant and apostle of Jesus Christ...” -2 Peter 1:1

Many of the writers of the epistles, including Paul and Peter, introduce themselves as bondservants of Christ. These men of God seem to consider this their title possibly even before the title of apostle. In the back of my head I've always kind of wondered what it looks like to truly be a bondservant of Jesus Christ. What would it look like if I found my identity in being a bondservant? How would it change my life if, in everything I did, I considered myself a servant?

“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10

Whoa... Lord, forgive me for the ways I seek to please men. Form me into a true bondservant of Christ. A servant lives to please his master, not the people around him. So, to be a bondservant of Jesus Christ, I must leave behind my desire to look good before those around me. 

I have begun to pray recently that the Lord would separate my identity and my value from the way others see me or act toward me. I am entirely too affected by the comments others make. If someone agrees with something I say, I think, “Wow, I actually said something good.” But if someone even is not as interested as I thought they would be, I think, “Oh no, that must have been wrong.” And with that comes “I said something good, I'm so good,” or “I said something wrong, I'm a terrible person and I never say the right thing.” You can imagine that this roller coaster is quite tiring. 

Lately I've been thinking more about how it says in the Bible that believers will be hated and persecuted (one example is Matthew 10:22-23). With so much of my value found in what others think of me, I am sad to say that if I was mocked (not to mention beaten or thrown into prison) for my faith right now, I would be shaken. So, I pray to my Master, my Lord, and I ask Him to change me. He's already starting, and it is AMAZING. As weird as this sounds, there is so much freedom in being a bondservant of Christ. I don't have to worry about what others will think or if what I'm going to say will be well-received or even if it's right because I am simply the servant. I simply have to listen to the Master and obey. Praise the Lord!

With Love,

Melinda, bondservant of Jesus Christ

God's Battle

I was reading 2 Chronicles 20 yesterday, and the Lord used it to teach me about relying on Him for victory.

Three different armies came up against Judah, and Jehoshaphat the king was afraid. But instead of starting to bark orders at the commanders of his army or doing his best to come against this threat, he turned to the Lord. Part of his prayer reads, “For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You” (verse 12). He declares his helplessness, but he also declares his faith by saying his eyes are on the Lord, his only hope. What do you think the Lord's response was? “Well, you should have been better prepared.” Or “You go ahead and fight and I'll be here to help.” Both are so wrong. He says, “Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's... You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf...” (verses 15 and 17). So, the next morning they go out praising the Lord for His promised victory, and “when Judah came to the lookout of the wilderness they looked toward the multitude [their adversaries], and behold they were corpses lying on the ground, and no one had escaped” (verse 24). Judah's enemies had come against one another and not one was left. God had won the battle.

How cool is that? How often do I think I have to try and do my best even though I am so limited in my abilities? How often do I fight the battle with my limited resources just to get defeated? What did King Jehoshaphat do? He prayed, confessing his powerlessness and asking for the Lord's victory. Then he trusted. He didn't say, “Okay, God, I want your help, but I'm going to go out their and do my best. So bless my efforts.” Our Father wants to fight our battles, in fact He says they're not our battles but His. But we must surrender control to Him. And we must trust Him. Then we simply watch Him bring victory.  Praise the Lord!

Dearly Loved Daughter

Picture a good dad, one who loves his children. Does he love them because they're perfect or because they always do everything he tells them to? No, he loves them because they're his kids. Picture him with his little girl. He loves her. He delights in her. He smiles as she dances freely. This little girl hasn't done anything to earn her father's love. She doesn't have to. She already has it. Sometimes she disobeys her dad. Sometimes he tells her to clean her room and she says no. He wants her to obey, but even when she doesn't, he still loves her. She is his dearly loved daughter.

Recently, the Lord's been teaching me about His love for me. Because I believe in and confess Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I have been given the Spirit of adoption. I have become a daughter of the God of love. So, remember we were talking earlier about a good dad? Well, our heavenly Father is a perfect dad. He doesn't love me only when I'm perfect (because that would definitely be never). I don't have to earn my Father's love. I already have it. Sometimes I disobey. I don't always love those around me as Christ loves me. My Father desires that I be obedient. He desires that I love. He disciplines me when I don't follow His commands. But He still loves me. I am His dearly loved daughter.