The Throne of Grace

I just had a cool little experience I thought I'd recount.

I haven't really been doing that well this week, mostly giving way to irrational anxiety. And, I don't know about you, but when I am giving in to anxiety, I end up distancing myself from God. Sort of a combination of these two scriptures from Hebrews popped into my head this morning:

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need.” - Hebrews 4:16

“Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” -Hebrews 10:19-22

I was writing out my prayer in my journal, something along the lines of, “Okay, God, I'm coming to your throne boldly, not on the basis of anything I've done, but on the basis of the blood of Your Son. I am asking for mercy for the way I've been acting this week and grace to walk through these next three weeks.”

I felt pulled down to my knees, and when I closed my eyes, though I was physically still in the living room in Ms. Mary's basement, I was in front of God's throne. I was on my knees, with my face on the floor.  I said, “I know I'm supposed to be drawing near with confidence, but I am so unworthy.” Then, in a moment reminiscent of the father welcoming his prodigal son home, the Father said, “Arise, my daughter.” He welcomed me, called me daughter. If I sat down with a Bible for a few minutes I could probably find fifteen or twenty scriptures confirming that, if we are born again, we are sons and daughters of God, but in that moment, to hear God call me daughter... it was pretty great.

So, I'm trusting in God's grace to get me through these next few weeks.  I keep thinking I'll feel better once I'm on the plane and I know everything is in order.  But I choose to act in faith, and know now that all is in order.  My place is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and He will make all the last minute stuff fall into place.